April 27th, 2023

Breaking Out of My Comfort Zone

Photo by Patrick Fore from Unsplash

Just a short update on how things are going. Almost one month ago, my boyfriend and I moved into our first apartment together. Since then, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. On the one hand, there’s been excitement at this new chapter of our lives. For me, this is also the first time I’ve moved away from home. I commuted to college, so I never got that experience of being on your own, and the freedom and independence that comes with that. I enjoyed furnishing and decorating the apartment. My boyfriend also has a dog, so I became a dog mom, something that, as an animal lover, I am happy about. 

Then there’s the other side of the coin, the side that is grieving the last chapter of my life. I miss my childhood home at times. My bedroom there was like my sanctuary. I would spend hours in it during my free time, writing, painting, doing yoga, and reading. I miss my family dog, who I love very much, and am bonded with. I miss the lack of responsibility in a sense. Although I did chores in my childhood home, like laundry and changing sheets, there’s something different about being responsible for cleaning an entire apartment versus cleaning one bedroom. Having to ensure the fridge is fully stocked, and cook my own meals is new to me. And of course, caring for a dog, feeding her, walking her, etc. is a huge responsibility. 

I know these things are all part of growing up. Part of being an adult. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be growing pains. Add on the visual challenges I’ve been facing from my eye condition Achromatopsia and adjusting to a new environment, and it’s understandable that I’ve had moments of stress and feelings of overwhelm. There are moments where I want to go back in time to when things felt comfortable and easier. I had my routine, and I knew my childhood home blindfolded, every step, every nook and cranny. It was my safe space, my home. But then I remind myself all that I have gained. 

I am independent and have my own place. I get to spend more time with my boyfriend. I am a responsible pet owner. I’ve broken out of my comfort zone, something, in the past, I’ve worked hard to avoid doing. And you know what? I’m proud of myself. I’ve come far, and the journey hasn’t been smooth or easy, but it’s been incredibly rewarding. So I’m going to keep on this journey and see where it takes me.